Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
