did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
