i would punch a child for taco bell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
