Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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