i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
