I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize