I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
