Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
