Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize