we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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