Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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