omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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