I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
