I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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