The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
