Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
