Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
two words: eviction party
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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