he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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