How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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