My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
