So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
