Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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