i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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