ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
