Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
