Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
