C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
