she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
