Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
