Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
