I'm so fucking centered right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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