By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
