Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
