I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
