I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
