I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize