how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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