That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
