Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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