Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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