so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
