i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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