White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
