I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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