Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
