she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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