i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
