Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
