why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
