Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
