Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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