I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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