matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
