you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Someone signed my nipple.
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