I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
