I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
