u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
