he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
