U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
