walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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