laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The adults are the big ones right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
