he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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