My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
