and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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