I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
