I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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