Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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