Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please don't give away my fajitas
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